Monsters and Ladybugs - Ch 25

Monsters and Ladybugs
By Kitteh and Neofox
Rating: R
Warnings: Violence and intense smooching
Disclaimer: Smeets will eat our souls if we dare claim Invader Zim.  So yeah, Jhonen can keep his smeets of DOOM!  We just want to borrow Dwicky and Dib for a fic, so calm yourselves.
Summary: DADR. Three years later Dwicky comes back to fix what he messed up. But the little boy he left behind is no longer the same energetic soul from before and now may just be too broken to reach.
Beta: moon-glaive

Chapter 25

Time really meant nothing to one certain fourteen-year-old. Whether it was day or night, night or day, Dib really didn't care. He had been too busy slipping in and out of sleep to really take notice of the time that was on the small digital clock. The numbers would have been too blurry anyway as his glasses had been tossed away somewhere amidst the clothes. Instead, he curled closer to the body that lay beside him and ignored everything else around him. One of his feet drew up to move along a leg that wasn't his own before he actually settled down, giving a small noise as he did as he gave up on sleep.

It was easy to tell the other wasn't asleep, when a lazy hand ran down Dib's side, smoothing across the side of hips, fingers spreading before it crossed to tailbone and lower; the touch was innocent in its affections. The hand came to rest finally at the small of Dib's back and Dwicky gave a comfortable exhale that ruffled the boy's already mussed hair. He wasn't thinking about when they'd have to move, when he'd have to take a shower, dress and take the boy home. Home was a good place to be. It wasn't the asylum. A room, with a real bed, a real window on a wall and not a door, no padded walls, no cold tile. A family to take care of him, instead of orderlies and doctors constantly injecting him with needles when he had nightmares.

It was going to be Dib's first overnight in his real home. His first night away from him, but Dwicky pushed the ill thoughts away and let the wonderful feeling of comfortable lethargy win him over. He ran his fingers through Dib's dark hair, still damp with perspiration, running it down to rest at the back of the boy's head. He planted a long lingering kiss at the side of the boy's head. "I'm happy for you," he murmured there, his voice quiet and husky from abuse. And he truly was, in every meaning and in every fiber of his being.

As much as Dib was trying to give up on sleep, each touch across his skin and through his hair wasn't really helping. He felt like dozing off once again and just forgetting about the fact that he had to eventually get out of bed. It was the small words that had his eyes trying to open once more to small slits. As he glanced at Dwicky, he kept his head rested on the other's chest. "I think by now I would be a little worried if you weren't." He gave a weak smile, his own words just as low. He let his eyes close, but didn't try to fall back to sleep, still speaking up after. "We can still try to get a cake if you really want to." He couldn't help but grin a little bit.

That suddenly struck Dwicky as terribly hilarious and he shook with giddy laughter. He put a hand to his mouth to try and stifle the laughter, but it only continued, muffled and snorted. With a completely wide grin he moved to encircle his arms around Dib, burying his face in the boy's hair, a muffled and amused sound there. "That figurative cake was for you, not me." He buried his nose in Dib's hair, inhaling deeply and exhaling warmly against the boy's scalp. "Mmmm, Dib." he spoke more to himself, completely good exactly as he was.

Dwicky's laughter only caused Dib to grin a bit wider. He easily cuddled closer to the other as he was held, letting out a small noise at the same time. His eyes opened back up just a bit as he heard his name, but he didn't speak. Instead, one of his hands moved up so he could trace a finger on Dwicky's chest. He stayed content just as he was for a few moments before he tried to speak once more, despite how tired he seemed. "Do you think I'll be able to handle everything?"

The man rested his cheek atop Dib's head so he could talk. "That's a rather silly question to ask me." Dwicky immediately answered in good humor; it was blatantly obvious from his tone that he did believe so.

"Hmm, maybe." Dib gave a small smile while he slowly gave up on the random pattern he was making and let his arm drape across Dwicky's side. "It's hard to believe. I'm expecting something horrible and evil to pop out of nowhere, and the good to turn to bad at any moment." What nails he had left moved across Dwicky's back as he went on. "That's usually how it happens." He gave a tiny, thoughtful sound. "I guess that means everything really is okay, if at least a little bit."

"It does. It means you're well on your way to a full recovery." Dwicky mused a little, "In a proper world, you wouldn't be needing me anymore. Maybe once or twice a week, moving onto once a month, bi-yearly, to nothing. But these are special circumstances." He grinned haphazardly. "You'll be going to skool soon. Man, skool. Feels like yesterday I was working there." He gently tugged at the scythe-lock of hair; messy and crooked, he toyed with it. "It's too bad I don't. That way I could keep an eye on you. Be there for you." Dwicky's grin only grew and he shifted, dipping his head to place a few playful kisses on Dib's neck, the skin already bruised there. "And 'be there for you'," he added more suggestively.

Dib gave a low sound as the abused skin was kissed, causing him to squirm just a bit under the blanket. At Dwicky's words he gave a lazy grin and shook his head just a bit. "That's why I'll be coming here to bug you, so that you can still be here for me as much as I need you to be." He moved up a bit so he could wrap both of his arms around Dwicky's neck, placing a kiss on the man's lips before he spoke again. "It will be such a quick process. All I have to say is 'Hey, Dad, I need to go talk to Mister Dwicky about stuff.' He'll say okay and everything will be much easier." His grin grew a bit. "The stuff can come first, talking later."

Dwicky's grin was far from mature. "I like 'stuff'." His arms encircled the boy's lower waist, though his hands wouldn't keep still on Dib's hips, grazing palms against the smooth skin. "Mm. I like stuff a lot." He leaned down to press a slower kiss on Dib's lips, taking lazy enjoyment in the action. He was grinning again as he pulled away. "But in all seriousness, the talking comes first before 'stuff'. As alluring and sexy as your 'stuff' is, I still have a profession to maintain. As well as a boy's mind to keep sane. You still need to talk, discuss what's on your mind, delve into your psyche and make sure everything stays this perfect." Dwicky tweaked his grin, leaning his head back a bit on the pillow to look at Dib better. "But you're very distracting." He relented a hand to smooth back the dark hair that fell over Dib's brow. "It's been a while since we've had a session. A proper session." Dwicky gave a look of seriousness but it was easy to tell he was amused. "You're due for one, kiddo." All the same, he took another slow kiss. "Mmm. Overdue." He added, grinning wider.

Dib gave a weak noise against the kiss and only a small pout when Dwicky pulled away. He finally let out a sigh and nodded his head a bit as he pulled back only a little. "You're right, and I really would be lying if I said I wasn't worried a little bit." He rested his head back down as he spoke. One of his hands trailed down away from Dwicky's neck only to walk down the man's arm. "That's why I asked you if you thought I would be able to handle it all. I'm happy, really happy, don't get me wrong. I guess it's just the fact that a few days out are completely different from being completely out of that place."

"Well then," Dwicky stole Dib's hand to press a kiss or two across the knuckles, "let's have one here. Now. Let's do what your father originally left you here to do." He gave a small laugh, guilty yet giddy at the same time. "Let the load off your shoulders." He followed the arm up and pressed a kiss to Dib's shoulder in gesture. "I promise to be as professional as I can. Here. Naked. With you." He let out an amused sound before he looked as serious as he could towards Dib, but it came out more affectionate than anything else.

Dib glanced up to Dwicky and gave a small smile before he tried to cuddle closer to the other's body. "I had fun with my dad today. I had the attention I wanted for so long even if it was just for a little bit. There were times when I had to make sure he was paying attention, but I didn't mind because he was still listening to me." The sudden worry he was talking about came to show on his face as he went on. "I know when I go home it will be different. He works so much and I'm sure when I go back home it will be the same routine. When I come home from skool I'll be alone with only Gaz to keep me company." His arm moved up to wrap around Dwicky's waist as he clung to the man tightly. "And I still don't know if he believes me about what she did."

Gaz and Tak. Damn it. There was no avoiding it. And Dwicky cursed at himself internally for celebrating too soon, much too soon. It was going to get worse, far worse. And he knew Dib, the boy was going to put up and deal with every little bit of harsh treatment the girls, and Zim was going to put on him just to stay out, and worst of all stay living here- for Dwicky, but there was little time to ready Dib for all of that.

Dwicky tried not to frown, keeping his lips in a professional line. "Your dad will have to sign to an agreement along with your release. Since you will be new to being outside, there's two things that will be mandatory for you at home: routine and supervision. You can't be left alone like you once were, to fend for yourself in the house. He has to be what he signed up for when you were conceived: a father." Dwicky's sigh ruffled Dib's hair. "Don't worry, I wouldn't leave you to the dogs, Dib." He looked down at the boy snuggled tightly to his chest and smiled some. "I'll be making calls to make sure everything runs smoothly."

"Do you think it will work?" Dib moved his head a bit so he could glance up at Dwicky. "I mean, I want to believe he would keep up with such an agreement, but part of me thinks that he would for maybe a few days. After that, things would probably go back to how they were before." He looked back down, staring blankly at nothing in particular. "I know I have you to talk to and that you'll make sure everything is okay. I just wish everyone that is supposed to care, would actually care just as much."

"I know..  but people are their own. And sometimes all we can do is accept things for how they are and move on. Make the best that we can of a situation we are in. As for your dad, it better. I don't want to pull any legal strings, or threaten with the social services card. That time he came over.. I justed to-" Dwicky sharply cleared his throat and gave a small laugh. "Sorry, that wasn't very professional of me to say." He ran his fingers through the boy's hair, petting it idly; they both needed showers. "Just.. -just keep out of your sister's way. And her friend. Avoid them. And.. that other kid." Dwicky's thick brows furrowed. "Four years is a long time to put up with all of it, especially when you've been put away for three years because of it. In my personal opinion Dib, I don't think you should. You shouldn't. Every encounter you've had.." Dwicky's brows raised and his expression went sympathetic but worried as well "..ended very badly."

Dib stayed silent for a long time, although it was obvious he was thinking over what Dwicky said. After a few moments, he grabbed Dwicky's hand in his own and turned it over on the bed to draw the small heart he had drawn before. "I wish I could just forget about all of them. I want us to just be a family like you said we could be, but with no worries." He moved his hand up Dwicky's own and as he said a name he put down one of the man's fingers at a time. "No Dad, no Gaz, no Tak, and no Zim." He let go after the last name and a small frown came to his lips. "But it can't be that simple, and that means I really do just have to learn to deal with everyone, even Zim."

Dwicky stared at his hand, moving the fingers slightly before he placed it against Dib's cheek. "You'll always be welcome here. It's your home too. Anytime, just come here. I'll be here for you." He stroked the boy's cheek with his thumb. "Not just as a counselor, but a friend, and.. more." He wasn't sure what to call this, or Dib; his 'boyfriend'? young 'lover'? his one way ticket to a jail cell? Was this 'dating'? Or- something for life? Was now even the time to be thinking that? Maybe. Big decisions were being made now; life changing ones. For both of them.
"Dib." Dwicky started slowly, so very carefully. He placed his other hand on the boy's other cheek, gaining Dib's full attention with a gentle serious expression. "It's okay.. to move on. I love you, so very, very much. That's why I wouldn't mind if you did move to a new place, a healthier environment, a new start. Away from them. It would be good for you. For you, for your family, it would take Gaz away from Tak." Dwicky tried to swallow but the ache was in his chest, not his throat or stomach. He made a small sound. "I'm not trying to push you away, Dib. Far from it.. I'm just.. thinking what would be best for you.. given the situation." Dwicky shook his head a little. "You.. didn't even discuss that option with your dad, did you?"

Dib opened his mouth, but he couldn't say anything and that was enough evidence to prove Dwicky was right. For once he didn't want to keep the eye contact between them and just wanted to look away, but the other's hands on his face prevented him from doing that. "I'm supposed to be better, right? That means I'm supposed to be able to handle anything. Earlier situations shouldn't matter at all. I should be able to forget about them and prove that I'm actually okay." His voice was starting to shake and he was trying his best to control it. He had been so happy earlier and suddenly he just didn't feel so good anymore. "I can't do that if I just up and leave. And even if it was too hard for me to deal with everything, I still refuse to go because I love you just as much as you love me. I don't want to leave you. You helped me even after all the horrible things I said to you when you first came back." He moved a hand up to rub at his eyes after he was done speaking, and tried to keep them averted away from Dwicky as best he could.

Dwicky's brows furrowed more; he hadn't meant to bring Dib down so much, but he should have known better. "Dib, no one is expecting an instantaneous recovery. You're out, yes, you're much better than before, but keep in mind you still need to take careful steps. You can't just jump into things. You need to be patient and pace yourself. You can't do this all at once." He let his hands run down to rest on Dib's shoulders, letting the boy look away if he wanted to. There he softly kneaded the tension that was gathering at the boy's shoulders. He felt horrible for bringing tears to the boy's eyes but he felt that some things just needed to be said, even if it was hurtful. Healing hurt. "It was just an idea to help. Dib, I don't want you to put yourself through anything for me. Your decisions, I want them for yourself, your advantage, your gain." Dwicky swallowed hard, his voice was starting to quiver, and he cleared his throat; it hurt, but this was a good kind of hurt, in the end it would be. "Remember.. that time.. when we talked, when you got your new room.. how you asked if this would all end once you got out. It's my fault for starting this, and it was never my intention to- to.. mix business with pleasure. Everything I've done has been genuine, and for you. Just... humor me, right here and now, and think aloud 'what would be best for me?'" Dwicky stilled, just searching Dib, watching Dib's every motion desperately.

"Getting better and away from what scares me." Dib slowly shook his head before he went on. "I can't get better though if I'm miserable, and being away from you I wouldn't be happy at all." Once more Dib stayed silent as he kept his eyes off of Dwicky. After a few moments a small choked sound came from him before he went on, "You always talked about how you would find some way for us to stay with each other even after I got out." One of his hands moved up to rub at his eyes once more. "If I leave we won't have this anymore. We won't be a family anymore. Liar." He was starting to hurt from all the thoughts.

Dwicky relented, the last word stabbed him deep; that word, it always hurt the most, beyond anything else. He slid his arms back around Dib, hugging him, rubbing a hand against his back in that habit to give comfort. "Families live apart too," he spoke in a small voice. He didn't want to pursue it. "I love you, Dib. Damn if it's right, or legal, I do, and I'm trying. I just want you to be okay again. And.. I'm willing to do and try anything." He tightened his hold on the boy; suddenly it felt like it might be the last time he'd have this. "I know you're open-minded. So, just keep it open for all of this too, okay? I know you have a lot of thinking already to do, just.. don't close any doors." He ran a few fingers through Dib's hair, softly stroking the back of the boy's neck.

Dib buried his face against Dwicky's neck, muttering only a few sounds against the skin. He didn't want to speak up again about any of it, but knew he would have to. Instead of talking for the moment about himself though, he decided to actually ask a question of the other. His head turned just slightly so he could be heard, "Could you deal with it too? If I left, would you be okay with it?" One of his hands twisted at the sheets as he waited for an answer.

The man didn't answer right away, his throat felt too tight. He took in a shaky breath and let it out slowly; it didn't cleanse anything, and he didn't feel any better. "I'd miss you. I'd miss you so very, very much it would hurt. I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't. But.. I would tell myself it was the right thing, and that it was for the best. I'd be happy knowing you were going to be okay." It felt like such an outright lie; so disgustingly romance novel cliché it made Dwicky want to slap himself across the face. But he couldn't speak the deep down, dirty truth, not when so much was on the line. "I'd also probably tie up the phone line, calling so often that your dad would probably question my motives of checking in on my patient." Dwicky tried to give a small chuckle after his words, trying to lighten the mood, but it felt so forced and empty. "I'd visit.. as often as I could. It.. would depend on where you'd move to." Dwicky's voice petered off and he pressed a lingering kiss atop the boy's head, knowing it would only make Dib hurt more from the attachment, making it worse. But at the same time, he just wanted to soothe the boy.

Dib shook his head a little against Dwicky's neck. "If it would hurt both of us, then why should I leave? If I'm willing to try my best and get over the fear I have here in this place, then that should be enough. You always told me you wanted me to try, and that's what I want to do." His hand moved away from the sheets and up to bury itself in Dwicky's hair while he pulled his head back to look the other in the face. "Besides, you were never supposed to leave me and that just means I shouldn't have to leave you either." His gaze dropped down between them as he tried to hide the small noise he made.

Dwicky's heart sank. He couldn't do it, he just couldn't. He couldn't let Dib move away, not because he, himself, would miss the boy so terribly, but because Dib would miss him so much more. Dib's situation, his condition, it would only get worse; loneliness, depression, segregation. The end result of all that was not something Dwicky wanted to even fathom. Dib's hand through his hair had done it.

"I'm just worried you'll have more dreams, hear more things.." Dwicky placed a knuckle under Dib's chin, tilting the boy's head back up. "But we'll face those issues together, right? Step by step." He smiled weakly, but he meant it. "And we won't have to stay here forever." He stroked Dib's jaw with his pointer finger. "You'll tell me everything, right? Keep me well informed of each day, right?"

The words caused Dib to finally give a small smile as he nodded his head in response. "I will. I promise. I'll tell you everything that happens every day." He pulled his hand back to join the other in front of them both as he began to list off the things he could talk about on each finger, "I could tell you about what happened at home. About each friend I made. About how I'm doing in skool." He blinked his eyes as he thought over something. "I doubt you'll want to know what I ate, so I'll skip that." He turned his attention back to Dwicky and wrapped his hand back around the man's neck. "I haven't heard the voices since I had that bad dream. I'm sure I'll be fine."

Dwicky gave a sound nod. "Good." He chuckled some. "Good." He stole a lingering kiss from that smile. "And I'll listen to anything you have to say. Anything. Even if it's how much you enjoyed that bologna sammich for lunch." His arms returned around Dib's middle, though his hands wouldn't keep still; each inch, each curve of the boy's skin begged to be touched; and really, he didn't know when he'd be so close, so intimate like this with Dib again. "Just.. remember to take things slow and carefully. Think everything you do carefully, okay? And if you get anxious, or confused, or things start to seem like they were before, just remember what I taught you before. Just think of something that makes you feel happy and safe. List each detail about it, one after the other, concentrate on doing that until you feel better."

"I remember." Dib moved down just a bit so he could bury his face against Dwicky's chest. "I'll try harder to follow that advice. It won't be like all the other times where I listened to what I was told." The hands against his skin caused him to relax more compared to earlier and his voice grew softer. "If the voices ever do come back I won't listen at all. I have a lot of things to be happy about now. It's weird, though. Everything that makes me feel happy just has to do with you." His eyes fell closed, only resting them as he kept talking. "I guess it's because I've been spending most of my time with you since I've been getting better." For a few moments he stayed silent before he spoke up again. His voice smaller. "I really did miss you when you left those years ago. I thought I had found someone that believed me and it hurt a lot when you left. I hoped for a few days that you would come back and still want to help me, but it didn't happen and that's what made me bitter."

Dwicky's throat danced with a guilty swallow, hindering his breath a moment. He rested a cheek atop Dib's head, fingers delving into the hair. "I'm sorry," he spoke so very, very softly; so solemn it hurt. "I really am. But I'm here now.. and I'll make things alright again." He paused to press a delicate kiss where his cheek lay before resting it back again. "I promise," he finished, quieter still.

Dib gave a small nod and his own kiss to Dwicky's chest. "I love you, and whether or not you really meant to mix business with pleasure, as you put it, I'm glad you did." He gave a tiny grin as he glanced back up at Dwicky. "Without you, I would still be screaming about aliens and the like, but now I get to go back to my house and back to my old room. Which, I'm sure has collected so much dust." He looked back down and gave a groan. "I have to take down so much stuff in there. It's going to take a whole day."

Dwicky gave a small laugh. "It'll be good for you. Keep you busy. Wiping away the old to make way for the new. Cleansing. You'll feel better once it's done. You'll feel accomplished. Your first activity as a free man." He leaned down to give a suggestive little bite to the top of Dib's ear. "Maybe I can come help you. Or.. at least help you break in your bed." He sucked the tip of the boy's ear after speaking.

Dib let out a low moan at the attention to his ear and couldn't help but lean his head into the touch while moving closer against Dwicky. The words had a grin coming back to his face and he let out another small noise before he spoke, "I like that idea." The grin grew and he leaned over to bite at Dwicky's shoulder for a quick second before he went on, "You'll help me no matter how long it takes?"

Dwicky grinned around the ear, dragging his teeth along it before he pulled his mouth away. He softly blew cool air against the damp skin before he spoke against it, his tone low and suggestive. "However long it takes." Dwicky's hand trickled down along Dib's side, smoothing down the boy's front and lower still.